Lindsay Schoolcraft, in full

0:00when I'm your Sav place and you think and you think and it's fake and it's never enough till I breaks with mistakes let it see I'm not some perfect oh he is not the save sure that you oh he can't bear the we of your prayers don't worship me you're life in my hands this demand it's so unfair now where has my I'm gone are my right wrong you're not getting better it's and it take and it's take when will this stop it's too late and I hate what we create and still you hi everyone this is TSH with Unwritten rules of the road we have an amazing

1:35special guest today um Lindsay Schoolcraft is joining us I'm so excited to have you here um Lindsay is an incredible uh multi-instrumentalist singer songwriter stop we give you loves and praises go I'm a fan girl about you well thank you so much for joining today oh thank you for having me I'm I'm super happy to be here sorry I just put on my eyelashes and they're uh they're doing what they're doing as they always have a life of their own yeah this just like two minutes of like eyelash touching and then I'll think I think we're good to go I think my my lid's trying to glue itself shut over here but

2:24we're good um but no thank you for having me I'm so happy to finally speak with both of you like I've been a fan of viers for a super long time so this is just super awesome to be here oh yay um um how are things in in the in the world Canada well currently we had a blizzard and my car is under three feet of snow so we're snowed in here right now oh gosh that's awesome um but it's good it's cold just February is a month to just kind of like hibernate and chill out and just take care care of your home take care of yourself as those who like

3:03to stay inside do so that's essentially what I've been doing does hibernation include some piano playing and writing yes yes a lot of that a lot of that is going on at the moment when when time allows when time and opportunity allows but um yeah it's it's definitely the best time year to like isolate yourself and and work on new music if I may bring up um because that was one of the first things noticed when we were doing our Tech check earlier um if we could introduce the amazing glattus to to the world the Beautiful piano I don't know why glattus came to mind when I named her that I think it's

3:42cuz it's Welsh for princess and she is like a very fancy princess but yeah this was kind of like my my Marketplace Facebook Marketplace oopsie I was just like oh look at that I have a piano now um my partner was completely obviously like super cool about it um but yeah she's uh she's really beautiful she's like made in Korea and she hasn't really been broken in yet so I'm working on that but she sounds lovely and uh I haven't had any complaints from the neighbors yet so that's like a good thing that is a good thing always yeah it's always it's always helpful when you share walls with

4:19neighbors um that hopefully they like what you play um I have neighbors myself that share wall space and they actually notice when I haven't been practicing they'll actually bring it out they will they'll be like we haven't heard you play in a while so you okay you doing okay over there no it's pretty great that's so incredibly sweet that you have neighbors like that um we're kind of new here like I haven't lived here like even a year so we're just kind of like testing the waters but the people above us are like always renovating and have dogs and I'm like they they get it like I'm sure they're

4:55completely fine with it hopefully they're just not home when I'm playing music and we keep it yeah right so Unwritten rules of the road um the idea of it is kind of about like the live music world and the community around it um what was your very first live music experience and this includes classical so not not necessarily Rock oh my God you mean like me performing or like me performing oh my God performing woo okay we got to go back into the archives here I mean um when I was in elementary school I was like part of the school choir so we were doing like little songs here and there

5:37of the classic 9s like uh Disney movies so like under the sea Little Mermaid we did like I think we did Wizard of Oz like we did like some full-blown Productions and this is crazy like if you think back like we're in like grade four to grade eight like we're really young and we did they were fantastic um so like I was part of the choir on a lot of these theater Productions and I'm very grateful I grew up in a school like that um and I was just kind of up there like just vibing like I don't remember being nervous because I think I being

6:09part of a choir it's like your band you know you all rely on one another I was like I got me if you got me okay I got you you got me like let's sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow uh so that was like my first exposure to it I guess I've been doing it since I was super super young uh but my first like time on stage as a band uh I had an all girl HK band in high school like the first version of it we were called Princess Riot and we did this the school like year end uh Christmas show I think we call it the we

6:39called it the Foles I don't know why but that's what my high school called it and I went up there with my old girl band we all went to school together one chick was like from the French immersion program connected to our school so like she was technically part of our school but not really um and we all banded together and we covered a song by scratching post the which is like an old school female fronted like rock metal band from here in Canada um I think the song was blood flame and it I was just like I'll never forget like standing there before the curtain opened and I

7:15was like just I've never been that excited for anything in my life I'm like I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and like this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing and at the age of 15 like that was it that like I knew in that moment and then you know the the curtain dropped and we performed and everyone was like that was awesome like we only practiced it like 200 times in our basements like our poor parents um and we just went out there and we ripped one and then we were like the cool IT band at the high school for like

7:51the next two years that's amazing yeah so it I don't know it's never really been any where it's like oh like I'm I'm you know scared and nervous and I don't believe in myself it's been more of like a all right let's just do let's just do this this is awesome that's amazing like it's it's like you found your calling very early on and just new yeah yeah it's always been in my life I mean my dad is a I'd say a hobbyist like he sings and plays guitar and he raised me on like the Beatles and Leed Zeppelin and Johnny Cash so it was like in the household to

8:30begin with because my parents um but uh yeah I I live music something else it it's it's an experience well what is it that you specifically love and resonate with live music like I I don't know I just feel like it's something that I meant to do uh which is crazy because I haven't done a lot of it in the past 5 years years um I've really taken like a step back and I've been writing and producing more so which is fine because it's like what leads to the live music anyways uh but it just felt like something that always felt good it always felt right and I

9:15always it's strange like like politically and business-wise I don't do well in bands but I like being in bands so it's a bit of a problem doesn't just like it doesn't it doesn't doesn't work I like being part of the unit where we've all got one another and we've all worked our asses off to like have This brilliant incredible show in production and I feel like I really got to show that with my time when I was in cradle filth because I was just like this is so cool it's so Gothic it's so theatrical it's it's got like it's a legacy act with like it's

9:49huge discography and I get to like bring that to life and that was that was so sick you know what I mean um it's definitely if you want to entertain and you want to perform it's just something that's like in your bones like you can't genetically rip it out of you it's there it's in your DNA it's a fire in your soul and it's like you're going to end up doing it regardless no matter what anyone tells you so yeah it's very true um well I mean so you mentioned not playing a lot live um over the past five years do you feel like you're kind of

10:21Brewing like how you want your live show to be when you get back out there again is that kind of are you like would you say you're in incubation mode oh absolutely yeah um it's it's been we've all been through it I think the past five years we've all been through it or I say more so like four years right and I I just told myself like if I'm going to go back on stage it has to be at a certain level it can't I can't revert backwards to and I don't mean any disrespect to anyone like being a pub band being a bar band like it's like I'm

10:55coming back with full production and a proper and the proper visuals and the right sound and the right mixing and there's certain standard of like where I want to play um essentially I I have backing tracks and in ears and and pubs little pubs and bars cannot support that um so yeah it's uh that's actually something that my team and I have actually started planning this month we we've you know got the wheels rolling and I'm essentially starting from scratch again I do have some like incredible gear sponsors but um you know we have to like buy the whole rig and like get it all back together and we've

11:35already planned out like set lists and flow and but you don't really know until you get in the rim together you're like oh this is like what I think would work and then when you get in the rim together and you start jamming you're like oh [ __ ] like no this is actually the order of things and it's it's a whole like there's stuff that like I came from Punk and then I went to like a goth rock band and then I was in you know cradle and and now I'm going back to my solo stuff it has changed so much in those like 15 to 20 years it's like

12:04oh shoot like there's so many moving parts now and this costs money and I have to invest in myself so I'm just like oh my God I'm I'm a little overwhelmed like I'm wrapping up what I think is going to be in EP right now and uh now I'm moving into like getting the live band off the ground and I'm like it just it's just like it's just never ending it don't stop there's so much and then you know thinking about yourself as a performer so I've been getting my voice back up I've been going back to the gym there's a certain way I want to

12:33perform and move on stage that my poor little old body is not capable of doing at the moment so like lots of yoga and don't Skip Leg Day essentially if I'm going to make this work it's a whole thing it's a whole thing yes true story like the other weekend I had like a whole cup of coffee and then I was like um kind of doing I you know you just pop on what you're working on in the studio and you pretend it's live I do a lot of visualization pre pre-work whatever you want to call it pre planning work I don't know what the word is for it and uh I was like you

13:14know bouncing around in my apartment shoved all the furniture out of the way and I was uh by the end of three songs and I was doing truly like all the moves I was going to do on stage by the end of three songs I I [ __ ] up something in my ankle and I blew out one of my knees and I'm just like we ain't 20 no more you're going back to the gym it was brutal so like okay there's a lot of work that has to like go into building this backup again um So eventually like you know without giving too much away like people can expect it

13:52I've I've had just people fans um homies who have just flooded my inboxes and been try to get a hold of me be like when are you coming on tour when are you going back on stage and I'm like it's coming it's just a slow process over okay well I think that it's actually exciting um you know when you're kind of building behind the curtain so to speak it's like you're you're crafting everything like from everything from your voice to your body to the songs to you know the actual production of it there's like a whole thing like you were saying and it's it's a level of

14:30creativity that goes beyond just the music itself right so it's a whole other Visionary like thing you're tapping into it's wild yeah yeah um we're getting actually a a question from Amia Amia was asking um how old were you when you wanted to produce and sing that's a good question um I think well I've been singing since I was a kid I think it's just like something that you you do you know um I'm definitely a product of the 90s so that there's lots of amazing music that came out especially in mainstream at the time and top 40 radio that absolutely just like I remember driving around in

15:14the car with my mom while she was like running errands and we' put on the top 40 and like my mom was really good kind of remembering the melody but there was like no words to be had or she just got the words wrong entirely and like whatever she was just loving her life and being a mom and enjoying hanging out with me but I'd be in the back like you know just like my my useless skill that doesn't pay the bills is I know so many songs like if I was in a karaoke competition I would win I would be world champion Guinness World Record for like

15:47not even needing the prompt um especially if it's '90s music so it's just always been there but I think at 15 when I started writing my own songs and I started I say going into the studio it's just some weird guy with some recording equipment in his garage you know um bless them like I'm grateful for anyone who ever's recorded my music um but that when I that's when I was like I really love this and um I want to keep doing this and this is what I want to do with my life that was that was like I don't know age 15 I think it's so

16:22important like when you when you are told something and you know something at such a young age you just have to go through with it because it's like you're not going to want to do anything else with your life and you're not going to really succeed anywhere else you know just forget the rest of it and go for it so yeah it was super young age I thought I was an adult then but I look back and I'm like no you are still a baby you're still figuring it out yeah I know it's it's funny when you when you're kind of given a glimpse I

16:51think of um of your path of of what feels right for you um and so often especially in the Art Fields I feel like a lot of times it can be discouraged so um oh absolutely yeah oh yeah just get a real job it's not a real career path there's no guarantee and I'm like can y'all shut up there's so many jobs in the industry if you go looking for them like please so yeah absolutely um oh we're getting uh so Pete Russo is saying um Lindsay you're amazing your album martyr in particular was one of my keep me saying albums during quarantine sweet makes me so happy to hear I'm glad

17:33to hear that I'm glad you enjoyed that it literally came out right before the Dandy Pandy hit um yeah that means a lot yeah that is awesome yeah it's amazing when you put your work out there and it resonates with people um it's something that I've chatted about with friends where it's like it's it's really a gift to be able to have that connection yeah you don't know what it's going to do you just make it and you put it out there and then like you just don't realize the lives it's going to touch and how it's going to touch them and that's why it's

18:05important to write into your favorite artists and let them know how much you like them guys thanks yes it means a lot what was the first do you remember um like when you first started songwriting um like versus now like do you feel like there's a certain or do you feel like you kind of tap into the same kind of soul and heart do you feel like there's been an evolution that's happen it's the same in the sense that it is like I'll just be sitting there doing something completely opposite and then a melody and some lyrics like pop into my head and I think like I'm I'm

18:44very much like a spiritual creationist I'm very much like I believe it's like divinely guided and I believe it it is something that comes from somewhere else and you're just a vessel for that artistic piece to come through um and it's crazy to with sobriety because I didn't start drinking until I was 19 so there's just like fouryear window of me writing these songs some that I still remember they weren't like amazing but they were there and then coming back to sobriety and like getting those downloads like those you know songs coming out of nowhere so clearly it's so sick you know like I feel like I'm kind

19:22of reliving my teenage years right now as like but like with this whole new skill set like I can produce and I can record and I make demos not the greatest Demos in the world so you know it's uh it's wild um but yeah it's still kind of the same it's it's kind of the same process and I've come back to writing with a band which is like great it's it's I'm very much getting back to my roots right now like I'm back to playing bass guitar which was my first instrument with my first band um but yeah I feel like I've tangent away from

19:55the question entirely um it's still the same process it's it's just quicker it's more organized it's more disciplined it's bigger ideas now that I compose like I a big component of my music especially like I've changed so much since martyr there's now a lot of electronics in there I've still kept the strings of kind of not gone with the whole Orchestra so like it still all comes in and I'm finding the tools um and the design to be able to communicate those ideas and like what I'm hearing in my head and getting it to my team but my Team rocks like I've been blessed to be

20:29with like some incredibly talented people who get me and also just like we all like the same music we have very similar influences so it's cool like I'm very lucky um more so lucky than I was when I was a teenager because it was just me like notebooks and cord charts and like cassette recordings back in my bedroom like you know and then bringing it to a producer with my band and then being like Okay and like it always came out it was so much simpler being like a just a band pop punk band right because it's pretty it's very easily translatable it's like okay you got your

21:07drums Your Bass your guitar your guitar minies the uh vocals and then the vocal harmonies and then just like boom and pow it's like out you know it's out the door whereas like now it's like oh yeah I got banned and electronics and strings and me being the whole damn Choir in parts so but it's it's just nice to be able to like layer that I'd say that anything I find like it's like if you're a Pokemon I was in my baby form and now I'm in like my final form like I'm like a Blastoise or a Charizard like that's just how I feel now as songwriter like

21:38I'm fully there maybe even the megaform I think megga form's coming in the next five years so for any nerds out there who know what I'm talking about I love it it's I mean I feel like it's it's I I've had the opportunity to um go to concerts where people have been at their craft for a really long time like I I saw Revy Shanker and he was in his 90s oh that's so cool it was incredible and it was just it was such a gift to get to witness somebody who's truly a master at his craft and I just feel like you know I think as artists

22:16like especially ones who want to evolve and grow I think that's probably all of us right um I hope so yeah but it's St you like want to quit this is true yes I imagine that you probably at that point would be like you know maybe I'll try something a little different so uh but no it's always I think exciting just to see people um like as their evolution happens like bring like you were saying like now you have all these different layers and these tools that you get to play with you know yeah it's fun it's really exciting um I'm already like I'm finishing up this body of work and I'm

22:53already talking about the next one and the vision for that and God I'm so blessed to just like continue have ideas and want to act on them so it's fun like I I've never found more joy out of doing anything in life and I think that's what like if something brings you so much joy like that should be your answer like this is what I'm here to do like absolutely um okay speaking of bands here's a question um what are some of the challenges that you've run into when playing with bands and how have you worked through them well I left all of like uh being in a band sorry not sorry

23:35being in a band is like a very complicated marriage so I guess you could say I've been divorced three times I'm doing great and and you have it's not just like being married to one person that I feel like that's what a duet would be you know what I mean it's like you're married to the music and you're married to this one person that you are like making music with and there is a lot of like compromise and sacrifice and communication and when like those things are not happening it it comes to a point where it's like you know you you say your peace you stand up for yourself you

24:11communicate and then if it's just like not working out you got to go so like I'll just give like the too long didn't read like my first band we all grew apart we like literally we're all doing different things with our lives now like we were an all girl punk band one girl went off she became hair stylist she still does like a custic singer songwriter stuff on the side the other one went off her name is Val she's in um the anti Queens awesome like pop punk band from here in Canada all girl so sick so like she went off and did her own thing like we all just grew apart we

24:42were very young like I started princess Tri when I was 15 and it dissolved when I was 21 so like you can imagine like women too women change and I know you know this as a female creative we changed so much in like a 5year period we just like I have I have grown like again evolving like a Pokémon like you just keep going um there's layers and layers to it so there's that and then I started marrying the black lamb and then those guys like after we we were like we it was like a very big in the local scene it was like a very high

25:12catastrophic rise and fall because like people knew who I was that fan base came over we put out this this awesome album I had this wicked band and then it's like when it got hard like this is what I find where most bands dissolve is when things got hard and you really had to grind and you really had to to commit and you really had to like have some discipline and organize and have goals it just like fell apart like they just wanted this like instant success and then like when we put out that album and then all of a sudden like six months later there was like no plan Place

25:42partially my fault too but like you know there was a lot going on in life at that time I was also like like I'm a recovering alcoholic so like it was my fault too you know like you got to check yourself too um they all decided Well I want to go get married and buy houses and have kids and I'm like that is completely fine so that's like why that band dissolved um and you know they all seem happy and like they're doing great in life so what who am I to judge you know uh and then I was in Cradle of Filth but the truth is cradle filth is

26:11not my band and if it was my band I would do things differently but it's not my band so um you know I I you're kind of at like the um there's there's something there's there's a line there's a saying I can't find it right now but at the mercy you're kind of at the mercy of someone else and how they do things and um listen I I had a great time the seven years I was in cradle filth with some of like the coolest most magical memorable moments some of the wi most awesome gigs all over the world all over the world you know but when it's

26:43not your band and you have a vision and you have ideas and you feel like you can bring so much to the table and it's just uh it's being passed or it's being swept under the rug or it's just not being acknowledged or like no one's willing to take the time to leave put the planning and effort into it you know like it's it's not my band so like therefore I'm just on the side and you can take my ideas when you want or you can just leave them it gets tiring after a while and I mean also I left the band because like we did two world tours in two years

27:13near the end like I had clinical burnout I was in the hospital so you know it's like I I don't do well in bands but I've everything I've learned bringing over to my solo project my two my two my guitarist and my drummer we are three-piece okay we are Nirvana I don't know we're just as weird threepiece um they feel really seen and heard and taken care of because I know what it's like to be a band member who is not appreciated and valued and seen and heard taken care of and like they're involved in everything but I make sure that like they don't have a headache

27:48because we it's like you're here because of me it's my project so like I got to treat the people around me really well and I think that's like the secret sauce to why things have been so great the last year behind the scenes and like hopefully I'm hoping we'll be good this year moving forward is because I really care about these people and I want them to be they're they are valuable team members I appreciate their time their energy their focus their contributions and I think that that's like if you want to be successful in the band to answer this person's question again too long didn't read that's it

28:20like there are challenges but I think as long as you respect one another and you communicate and you're not being as self sabotaging little [ __ ] um I think I think the sky is the limit for all y'all if you can get all the other things in place like you know the creativity the vision the uniqueness the music musicianship that's a big word then like you are you're good to go you know so yeah thanks for coming to my TED cheers well in terms of um the the tours that you've done um and mentioned the burnout um like what are ways that you've managed to stay grounded cuz here

29:04you are in one piece um so you have to have done things that kept you grounded yeah um well like no uh I know what to do now but at the time I was a complete ding-dong um you know I was recover I'm recovering alcoholic so I really made the choice to stop in the beginning of 2018 but I relapsed a few times I will say that like I'm glad I was mostly like I'd say 98% sober during those last two years or like I I do not want to think about how badly things could have gone for me um but it was just extremely grueling and the thing

29:45was that I learned and the last year I was in that band touring the world is you just got to take you got to get sleep everywhere you can like I've been vegan way too long now like 12 years You' got to get in your protein you got to eat right and when I started like sleeping as much as I could and eating right and exercising where I could and like you know I we were kind of in the hamster wheel visiting all the same places and seeing all the same things so I'm like yo like peace out guys I'm going to the hotel room to just like

30:14have a spa night and like sleep it kind like it took the fun out of it like like self-care and taking care of yourself is extremely boring it like you find eventually you get little dopamine hits of like oh yeah I'm going to paint my nails tonight like go me I'm an adult you're like I'm going to throw on Grace anatomy and paint my nails and you know what I am winning at life but it takes like a long time to get there because you're like lying in bed and you're just like rotting there in pain on tour and everyone's out like drinking having a

30:45good time like should I have fomo right now I feel like I'm I don't need to have fomo but I'm having fomo um so I didn't necessarily do it right but like moving forward I feel like especially with from what I learned and how fast-paced like being in that band was like you know taking an extra extra day to travel over to a new time zone and recover like we're talking big leaps like going to the other side of the world or going to Europe from North America um making sure that everything everyone needs is on catering you know you can still do it pretty low budge with like you know low

31:21budget without like having all the bells and whistles it's like okay you just need like ginger lemon and like fruits and vegetables and hummus and tofu and like you know like you could do it you you could thank God most my band is pretty much vegetarian so like this works out great this is going to be great so it's but it's also like um finding one thing that I found is like finding your alone time or like if you have like one friend that you really get along with on tour like spending time with them and and for me it was it was important having like a sober friend or

31:52a vegan friend you know so um yeah it's it's a wild one but I will say like learning to take care of yourself it's it's not that exciting guys eventually you get good at it but it's not it's like I am so normal ew well I mean you mentioned earlier like finding the joy so it's like finding the joy in the little things right so yeah yeah yeah I used to like travel with funny like face masks for like hydration so like I just like take a selfie and throw it up my social like I have like a panda face or like black metal like like it was it was great it

32:32was fun you know like you you find the fun in like the boring ass things on tour um but I don't know we'll see uh I'm going to see where we're at next year and see what happens I I think the most important thing is I look forward to doing it with the team I have right now because they're all genuinely people I love spending time with who I've known for a very long time and they're all Road dogs anyway so like they know what's up and I feel like we're we're we're legit going to have a really good time it's going to be a lot of fun

33:03especially on stage too so I just try not to laugh and forget my line that's like my biggest fear I've I've had my share where I get really into the music and I zone out and I'm like oh I need to sing now it's time sing right right oh [ __ ] the thing I'm supposed to do yes yeah but um no it's it it's also helpful when other people on the same page in terms of I guess being Road aware and and knowing kind of the deal because it is a very very different lifestyle for sure yeah I miss it I I I miss it and

33:39I'm really excited to like re-experience it on my own terms as like the boss ass [ __ ] in charge like taking care of everyone because I am like I'm the fairy goth mother I take care of my people so yeah it's uh it's a it's a whole other world and everyone's so curious about it I'm like guys it's a lot of just like backstage asking for the Wi-Fi code and asking where you can find coffee like don't get too excited yeah yeah yeah um we have somebody on here um Kevin is saying um uh they're also a recovering alcoholic for 19 years that's that's amazing congratulations on that

34:19yeah yeah um what made you decide to go sober was there anything in particular it it was like a lot of things but I think it's have you ever heard the story of like the dog on The Tack and he like he won't get off the tack so like I'll just for those who don't know it um there's this dude he goes up to meet the farmer at his house on his front front porch or something and he goes up the steps and he sees that the dog is like sitting there whimpering and he asked the far like what's wrong with your dog he's like oh

34:51he's sitting on attack and he's like oh why doesn't he get up off of it he's like oh it doesn't hurt enough yet so it had to hurt enough you know what I mean and it was kind of like it was for my singing it was for my health I have like hypothyroidism which is a bastard to deal with and a lot of other health issues like autoimmune issues and like drinking does like not make that better but like I also just didn't like the person I was when I was drinking I was like dramatic and like just overboard and like not in control of my emotions sometimes and it just got

35:26it just went too far so sometimes and then I was like embarrassed the next day and I'm like I can't keep doing this to myself you know um so it was kind of like this weird moment it was on my like right before my 30 something what is going to be three years this month so I have to do math oh God 36 36th yeah 36th birthday and um I like cowardly slipped up on my um my promises to myself to appease someone else and just had like a sip of champagne uh because they wanted to celebrate me for like a nomination I had for a music award and I had a raging

36:03headache the whole night and I'm like I'm never again doing this like this is like the universe punishing me and being like get your [ __ ] together buddy so yeah like I was just like I'm done and I will say like I'm glad I have to sit with myself I have to deal with myself I have to live with my brain I think we got a pretty good system going on now um you know you really go through those Dark Nights of the soul but I feel like alcohol is a way to avoid those things and not really work on what's going on inside Being Sober has forced me to

36:35really know and live with myself and go from Like a Villain to like a superhero in a sense yeah I mean it seems like um as you were talking about um getting ready to I guess release what you've been working on um all this time that's an aspect of it um and coming at it from a different perspective as well totally I mean the biggest thing that just kind of like every time I'm like oh man am I actually doing well in life like I don't know I have this app on my phone called sober time and I punched in like there was the day I

37:11truly started on this journey versus like the actual day that I've been sober but like from the time I was like I think it was 2018 I was like I'm not spending any more money on alcohol period kind of hard when you're on tour CU it's like there all the time and it's free people are trying to buy you drinks but I digress and the the minute I I broke down like my monthly bills of like how much I was spending on alcohol and I think to this day I we're going to look at it we're going to because I kind of need like my own money to invest in you

37:39know making my own my own music and where is it $55,000 wow $15,500 like oh my God so like that there should say everything you have so much more money when you don't drink and that is pretty much like what my new EP he has been costing me so hey winwin yeah yeah so no I appreciate the question it's a it's a loaded question it's just like layers of reasons obviously yeah yeah yeah I think like you were mentioning earlier um like figuring out the things that are self-destructive and then figuring out how to heal that because it's it it is a multi-layered um process you're trying

38:27to shift habits um and going like okay well how how do I do this it's not it's much easier than done right right yeah like I I would say the hardest thing I've ever had to do I think the hardest thing anyone can ever do is like change yourself and change a bad habit like that is like that is work that is work because I don't know what's up with this human brain but it's it tends to be a little bit like self-sabotaging and like self- cannibalizing at times I'm just like we know that's wrong maybe it's just addiction it's like why are we doing this you know and to be able to

39:03tame that beast and have control of yourself it's like I think that's the hardest thing I've ever done I'm sure anyone else would agree who's tried it yeah absolutely well I think the nature of the human brain is to create habits right that's it's part of our survival mechanism but unfortunately not all the habits are constructive so no your brain doesn't always know what best for you let's be real yes it's a matter of gently guiding it towards hopefully better constructive processes yes that's the Hope yes until you're like oh what what is this thing that I'm doing now that I probably isn't the best thing for me I

39:47hate that when you're like why am I here we said we were going to do this again oh my God we are here God damn it you're like so mad at yourself but really you're just mad at your brain um it's it's true silly human brain I know oh my gosh we're just over glorified monkeys at the end of the day but anyway yes but hopefully having some fun along the way yeah trying to so far it's blast um okay this is a fun question um do you have what is your specific workout and training routines you have um to get ready for touring you

40:26mentioned uh like yoga is one of them yeah I try to get that in every other day but it's just like a 10minute like what hurts let's stretch it I mean everything hurts but like What Hurts the Most um so there's definitely different different stretches for that I think child's pose is my favorite I really try not to fall asleep in that pose um but uh I mean I do cardio every morning I'm either like first thing when I wake up I'm on the bike I think it's really good for your metabolism I've noticed difference so 20 minutes of cardio if it's not the bike I oh my God I destroy

41:02myself climbing flights of stairs it's it's so painful but it's worth it you know um and then unfortunately I had an injury somehow I gave myself tennis elbow at the gym before Christmas so I'm still recovering from that and it's kind like I can work my lower body but I can't really do much with my right arm um it it is getting better though thank God it's it's it's a long recovery so my plan is to be and that's happening this month is just to be in the gym two nights a week building muscle and and the thing is is like you shouldn't go so

41:38hard on yourself in the beginning like I used to be able to go to the gym three to four times a week for two hours you know cardio full body muscle like workout or you know different like you do um your arms and then your chest or your back or your legs or like what whatever wherever you need to go um yeah I was doing that but like now I'm not there so there's that and then when it comes to singing um mainly just like the warm-ups and you know getting the range back that I want but also breathing exercises are so important for that like

42:09floor support you know with your diaphragm so it's been a lot it's uh it's kind of been really like hamster wheel mundane same things over and over but again it's good habits right it's like good things that you want so there's that and then it's like somehow I have to like put that all together into like actually performing and entertaining so that's like that's like future me problems that's like end of the year me problems where I'm like okay like how do we really want to like move on stage and like you know Express these these songs and these lyrics because like I'm kind of over the whole

42:44traditional like headbanging like the windmilling and the back and forth you know whip your hair back and forth you know like I'm kind of over that um I I kind of want to bring my own moves to the stage and I just kind of want to do what like makes sense and like feels comfortable for me and I think we can do that cuz like I'm I remember like the last year I was out on the road with cradle I'm pretty sure I had whiplash and there was like I think it was literally my last tour in Australia I couldn't move my head I was in so much

43:13pain with my neck and shoulders and I'm like this isn't worth it this isn't worth it like yeah I look cool or I'm doing something extremely wrong but like no so yeah that's a that's the project for the end of the year my I I tend to close the blinds I don't want my poor neighbors like peeking in on that bless them like it's the only space I have to do that so we'll see but man it's so much work why do I do this oh I'm tired tired talking about it God I'm looking forward to seeing it when it all comes together I'm sure it's

43:53going to be amazing yeah thank you I mean look at your band does like I have to say I was you know I followed mankind as obsolete but then when you brought out Alice and like all the videos and the dances and everything that you guys put together I'm like like you guys put a lot of thought into that is wild like good for you so like I understand cuz like you blew me away with all of that so I'm hopefully I blow you away a little bit or at least like get a clap out of you not pulling my knee on stage when I go to

44:25perform I sure it'll be amazing thank you I hope so hopefully we're not calling any ambulances anytime soon oh my gosh I have had my share of ambulance rides after shows I feel like it's kind of a ride of Passage though I've had two oh so yeah oh no knock on wood okay yeah what what happened can I ask like what happened did you just like pass out do you like hit yourself off something um well one of them um I had six weeks of bronchitis with a mankind tour and and um so during one of our fastest songs where I'm screaming the whole time um I felt like um something

45:03snap I think I popped a rib um and so um yeah we ended up going to the emergency room but on the way we got hit by a drunk driver so that was a love this for yeah and we were inches away from the hospital but then we had like the th000 ambulance ride which was not fun so oh my God you poor thing oh my goodness wow that's I've never heard that story before that's wild yeah it's pretty wild um yeah it's just you know I think as performers we have the mentality of like The Show Must Go On Right like so often we're like the show must go on and and

45:43you kind of forget your own mortality like I'm like oh it's okay if I can't breathe it's okay you know it's okay I'm like in so much pain whatever yeah yeah yeah you just you just kind of I I think that doesn't really C to you you're just like you were talking about being a vessel and you know you're you're channeling the music and you're there in the moment and so sometimes things like that can kind of slip away and and then you're reminded you're given these reminders where it's like no no you need to check in with your body and take care of yourself so usually about that it's a

46:19little too late but yeah hopefully we get better with that with age right hopefully in theory right yeah oh my God oh that's wild though wow I haven't been in an ambulance after a show yet but like again knock on fo I I don't need that ain't nobody got time for that no no yes I'd like to think I got it all out of the way so we'll just sounds be 100% healthy from now on yes it's a plan yes um let's see we've got uh uh oh Pete Russo is saying uh that he was talking earlier about your dog on the attack story he's like it's like this story of

46:56falling um in a hole on a street that you fall in spite knowing it's there and eventually just taking a different path yeah I love the sense yeah love that Amen to that yeah um Peter pin is asking um what other subject M matter are you going to be exploring with your lyrics if you're able to share that o okay that's a great question thank you um well like man it's wild the last thing I worked on before this new body of work it was like an album just on patreon and it's like my style of music with the band it's very like trip hop influenced and that was just

47:37like a mash like a mixup of just like everything it was a very much like popery album which is like here you go here's like some really old songs some new songs that don't really belong anywhere else and some covers like have fun and they liked it so like that's all that matters to me um well I had to make it and be happy with it but like I'm glad they liked it I guess it's the best way to put it uh so this new body of work I've been working on with my writers it's really dark and heavy and mature and I didn't know what was going

48:13to come out I was like I like this music I want to go for it and then I was like oh [ __ ] like it's it really touches on the topic of um like narcissistic abuse and like the Predator prey kind of thing and uh it's really angry like I I'm really having an honest conversation and you know going over it again in making it poetic about um yeah like the really messed up things that like all the different stages of narcissistic abuse and the levels I've experienced it at what I know about it and I'm I'm really angry so I'm just I'm just letting that

48:50come out in this body of work um and then I've been talking with my bestie and like my my band today and I was like yeah the album after that is going to be about like Fatal Attraction type love and I'm ready you know so like I think I'm just like kind of taking it as a Lyricist in like chapters like I'm just you know there like I guess more like books with chapters like this current one is you know chapters about narcissistic abuse and then the next one will be just about like this like undying love that just like destroys you like maybe probably going to touch on

49:25like limerance and um some other messed up stuff but you know it's like I feel like it's something I need to sing about and and I'm attached to it emotionally with music so yeah it's going to be interesting who knows who I might end up like being like bork every one of her albums is different and has a different theme and I feel like that is going to be it I'm definitely one of those artists that like I have to do full bodies of work this whole single cultures thing is BS and um if you don't create that way like don't do it don't do that yourself you know so yeah that's

50:00uh I think that's it with that we'll see only time will tell really it just has to be a surprise I can talk about this forever but you'll know when you hear music yeah well it sounds like it's very very powerful and um challenging challenging actually to explore that so it requires this I'm sure like a very deep level of honesty with yourself that's that's it like when I started demoing these songs it was just me having a conversation and kind of like this is like really messed up like do I really want this song to be about it like this like one of the songs like

50:34made me cry it was about like feeling like you're unable to leave your abuser because of everything they told you that like isn't true like you'll be nothing without me and like you know I'm I'm the only one who will love you this much no one will ever love you this much like really dark topics and I was like oh [ __ ] like I'm really getting into the muck and mire of this and um but I'm glad I did because it was in me and it needed to come out and luckily this music that was made really with the motion it gave me it pulled that out of

51:06me um which like it's weird too because this body of work is all I'm very much like here's my idea getting my downloads gonna make a demo you guys make it heavy this is like here's all this heavy music what do you think you should put over top of it I like a lot of it I think it's really sick um but I feel like it's very much a big collaborative effort I feel like the body of work after this is going to be from like this you know and then it's like okay it's like it's like Lindsay Schoolcraft with the band thrown on top of it not like start with the

51:39band and then Lindsay Schoolcraft on top it's like these weird sandwiches I feel like I'm bread or meat I don't it sounds really wrong but so on the CP I am the red and on the next body work I'm the meat this is my brain everybody show her ass I love it one day there will be pickles but for now oh yeah yes yes I feel like I feel like the pickles are the electronics you know what I'm saying like oh yes yes and then like the strings are the cheese string cheese haha um yes you know it's a layered sandwich it's a it's a sexy delicious layered

52:24sandwich at the end of the day yay oh this is awesome I know I'm like I think I need to make a sandwich after this yeah oh yeah ordering food after this ah this is awesome Pete Russo is saying um they just signed up for your patreon um credit completely to your mentioning it here on the unwritten thank you so much for the support that's awesome oh my God thank you was that yours or mine that's yours or mine oh my God thank you I will come on there and message and make sure you get the patreon album and everything with signing up so just thank you and hold

53:02tight you will hear from me very soon yay I love it um Jimmy Cassell is asking what has been your most memorable tour oh hands down um 2015 in Europe cradle filth with Na ascaris and a bunch of a bunch of different opening bands but like that was like such that was such a great tour it it had it it's ups and downs but I think that's like finally like it's a weird one I have a bestie in Australia his name is zenir and he was on tour with NE scar then and like we had been we played together in Australia in like 2013 and then all of a

53:41sudden his band blew up and we were touring Europe together and we were like pen pals for a bit and it's so funny because during that time he asked me to start a musical project and I totally blew them off and now like we're all intertwined in each other's creative projects in some way so um we got to like hang out and go through Europe together for two months and thanks to him like there's some cool [ __ ] as a tourist on tour that I would have never like saw or experienced um due to our Hangouts that was such a fun tour um like for cradle and just like

54:18you know touring with the Aussies I love those guys I'm still like huge naal of a scarus fan to this day uh so yeah it was it was just so great it was such a rad time hands down best Tour Ever I don't think anything will ever top it but it's like when you're like hanging out with one of your favorite people on the face of the planet like like you know like your road buddy well it's just like we were the only vegans on the tour so we were like we were like the Camus we were like the cool kids we thought we were cool we're

54:47actually really boring in real life but the internet like well it got out of hand like the Camas got out of hand like this was a joke and hashtag that we started and then people started bringing us hummus to meet and greets and we're like what have we done so yeah call to Hummus best Tour Ever the end called hummus 20 2015 let's go so would it be safe to say that hummus is your favorite road food or yeah yeah because like oh my God Have You Ever Had hummus and fries have you ever had like hummus and like veggies like humus on toast um it it's kind of

55:24like uh there's that movie and I can't can't remember the name of the guy but he was like putting hummus in his coffee don't do that that's terrible and I've never done that I never will that's wrong on levels but um it's on the tip of my tongue I can see the actor he like puts hummus on everything but like literally like it's just the easiest food it's got protein it's got fiber yeah yeah and it comes to like a plethora of flavors now like there's flavors that like chocolate hummus get out of here are y all on crack like it's yeah it's the best

55:56I did see the chocolate hummus have you tried this I I refuse I feel like bitter shouldn't well I guess it would make sense with this um tahini CU tahini is like bitter right and that's an ingredients in hummus but like no there's just some flavors like I love pickle hummus I like like tart sweet sa like Savory but also like salty right so like pickle hummus caramelized onion regular [ __ ] garlic cool the the Beet hummus was interesting I didn't hate it but it wasn't like my favorite but now there's like so many flavors like like babaan mixed in with hummus so eggplant or aue as they say in the UK can't leave

56:37those people out um yeah it's it's ridic it's ridiculous it's uh I'm I'm trying to think of like any flavor that I would like to see with hummus but ew there was salt and vinegar hummus I love salt and vinegar chips I don't like salt and vinegar in Mah humas I'm sorry like chickpeas with salt and vinegar like I think they were just running out of ideas is in the idea department on that company um but yeah good old hummus the best the best road food ever Champion Road food for vegans period yeah you can't really go wrong with it I mean you can eat it straight

57:12but it goes great with veggies and all the things makes great sandwiches it's like a good layer on sandwiches too like it's it's kind of like if you don't got mayo or you don't eat Mayo like it kind of fills that void um I'm trying to think of like other things that like with crackers oh my God it's the best with crackers like Peter chips um yeah anyways stop me I'm gonna start like just praising the chickpea forever this needs to stop oh to the hummus we love yes it does fill all the things and it lasts for a while I noticed that it's like you can keep it out for a little

57:52while and it it lasts for a bit last the party it lasts you for months after that it's fantastic best food superior food yes um here's a question for you uh what's one unusual habit or practice that has most positively impacted your creativity or performance as an artist well two things um I think it's really important like how you speak to yourself and how you talk about yourself it's not only like outward but like in word so okay maybe three things um there's definitely like affirmations and what you think of yourself I think that so powerful because you have to really believe in yourself to be insane enough

58:37to do this like any of this but also um gratitude I every day last year I'm still doing it this year every morning I write down things I'm grateful for and it's completely like it's completely shifted my perspective like yeah the world's on fire right now literally and I'm just like okay like that I'm sorry y'all that sucks here's a donation what can I do how can I help it like I'm just like I don't really let things in life drag me down anymore I look at all I have and all I'm able to do and everyone I'm able to love and I'm like that is such like a

59:12blessing I'm so lucky so that in return believing in yourself and being grateful for what you have versus what you don't have cuz I think when you get in that like lack mindset and you start comparing yourself to others you're really like sad sabotaging your own potential like you're wasting your time and energy focusing on the wrong things so that has really transformed things for me but also and this is just again being a boring World adult is like rest like I take at least one day I don't know how I'm going to do it back on tour like I'm kind of doomed in that regard

59:46but like taking one or two days a week to just really rest because when you're using those creative parts of your brain they get tired they need need a break so whenever I take time to myself it could be binging something on Netflix it could be like you know spending time with my cat um which we do all the time anyways um I don't really have a lot of hobbies you know but well I read that's you know that's something I play Pokemon on Nintendo switch doing those things for yourself is so important to coming back to your creativity so it's really this the the things you do you choose to

1:00:24do outside of it that when you come back to um making art you you're just like you know you're feeling like good about yourself good about your place in life and you know your body's feeling good and when you have those things then you can just like I feel like I've never been more creative more focused more driven more productive than I have been now because of those things that's awesome really solid advice I feel like it's like the idea of filling and feeding the well you know draw from yeah yeah it's like a like having your cup full so you can pour over like you can't pour from an empty

1:01:01cup kind of thing that goes for your songs and your creativity you know and I I hate it I don't know if I'm sure you've been on those Studio deadlines where you're just like so ragged and you're just like at the end of like completing a song or a whole album or like in the mixing process and you're like I am on my last few drops in this cup and we're going to squeeze what's left out of me but when we're done I'm not talking to any all y'all for a week I'm going home you know is necessary yes cave time is necessary yeah I I call it rotting on

1:01:36the couch but yeah yes absolutely I know it's it is I I mean I think it's like the marathon where it's like the very last few miles where you're like okay I'm just G to squeeze this through but there's recovery that's required afterwards you have to recover and that's like I'm getting all these like Young musician friends in the local scene who are like in their 20s and they're just destroying themselves but they can bounce back and I'm like all right you try that when you're in your 30s you call me okay like they're just like why am I so tired and I'm like go home and sleep and then my

1:02:11one friend he's 28 he's in a he's in like a death core band out here called beiler they're really cool he's like oh man I slept like the last two nights I feel amazing and I'm like you're on to something kiddo proud of you like who knew who knew oh my God kids these poor kids I don't envy them they have more to deal with than I did 20 years ago being in a band and starting a band I cannot imagine well it's it's it's interesting too because actually being on tour is hard to get sleep you know because very hard yeah yeah push yourself yeah I'm worried about like

1:02:51turning into a mean old grumpy lady on tour like because I get so so much sleep now and I love my sleep and if there's a day where like I don't get my sleep I'm like I'm kind of useless right now but I think that's with the Creative Energy I feel like on tour it's more of like you're not necessarily being creative you're going through like an autopilot with performing of like you know showcasing the artwork so like all the for the most part the creative processes are done unless like you have to work on a project on the road or like when you're doing progress or like you know

1:03:22if you're halfway through starting a new stage outfit like there's little moments of creativity but I feel like the music creativity is the most like purging like soul sucking thing um and I say that in a good way so when you're on the road it's like okay like I'm performing like I can stretch myself a little more thin if I had to create like godamn these bands on the road or they're like oh we're writing an album on the road I'm like who the hell do you think you are like okay good luck with that album I wonder how it's going to sound because yeah like I remember cradle tried to

1:03:52force me to write on the road and I'm like you are out of your mind don't even talk like nothing came of it like we didn't write anything because we were all so exhausted and I'm like see oh just maybe listen to the Canadian but no nobody listens to Canadian I was that I yeah like outwardly telling them that like whatever so yeah I don't know maybe the road is a whole other Beast I like how you call this uh the unwritten rules of the road because it's like yeah like nobody wrote a book about it yet like this is just stuff we talk about I know

1:04:23I know right it's like the it's like the things that we all kind of know once you've done it but yeah been there a hot minute yeah well and it's interesting too when people like you know experience going on the road for the first time um and they're like whoa this is nothing like I imagined it that's like oh my gosh and I'm seeing it like through my day job like that is like what makes or breaks a band in the beginning like they go on the road for the first time and and all of us who've done it were're like we'll we'll see we'll see and then

1:04:54like two or three band m quit and then like they're looking for other band members like the fans are like why did the lineup change it's like well these these brothers over here or sisters they don't like being on the road so you know it's like when you when you first go on the road it's it's grueling and I think as much as I don't wish it upon anyone I think like that living out of a van occasionally having a hotel room tours I feel like those like sleeping on your friends basement floor tours I think those are important in building like character and appreciation and grit

1:05:27because if you haven't had those you don't get it you just you don't get it and then when you get to the bus then you're like oh my God I'm so grateful for this it's not an inflatable mattress on my friend's basement floor thank God know yeah absolutely yeah I know definitely talking about gratitude it like you know it's like all the good things that happen you're like no the guys this is awesome this is really awesome is amazing like do not like like the no I think the no complaining policy on the road is very important like yeah like we need to communicate if

1:06:03something's going wrong like communicate with one another but like complaining about anything or like what you don't have when you like a touring band on a bus touring the world like shut the hell up like you have it you know you're doing pretty okay compared to where you used to be so yeah no complaining no complaining not not in my vocabulary gonna be fun I I am very excited for you you I can't wait to see it and and hear the updates I think that's probably going to be very exciting um do you have any idea when that's going to be are you still kind of brewing things up at the

1:06:43moment there won't be any information about it until if if things go quote unquote according to plan but we know that never always pans out it could be super quick it could take even longer but if things go according to like my to-do list um this time next year should there should definitely be some information on it but I like that I have a whole year to be at home creatively be with myself wrap up a body of work start the demos for another body of work and you know slowly chip away at getting the live band back on stage because I want to do it in such a way like I have so

1:07:19many cool ideas I don't want to give away too much but like really neat things that like I kind of wish my favorite bands would do live to like you know make things a little more interesting and fun um so yeah I like there's a lot going on behind the scenes like stuff that's not even on my patreon because I just want like everyone to be like hell yeah this is so cool um so it's nice that I have this time to really like I I'm glad I'm in the head space and like my mental health is where it is which isn't a really good place to

1:07:51be able to enjoy this time and chip away at it on my own terms without like um you know certain people that would be on my team like you know breathing down my neck and being like this needs to be done faster but they don't understand like I'm doing things as quickly as I can without destroying myself and that is such a great place to be in like you don't always have to destroy yourself for your art yes cry when you write a song that is very personal but like don't kill yourself over trying to get it all done in three months what you know you should be spacing out over a

1:08:22year like why there's no there's no point to that that's so silly that is like Amateur hour we ain't doing that no more we're doing it right no absolutely I think that I mean it's it's a shift in I think I've seen like kind of a an approach where and this isn't just in the art field but people in general just feel so compelled to just you know Rush productivity and and you know Force so many things in a day and allowing that spaciousness I think it actually creates more quality work right when you have that much more to give yeah you're not rushing things and that's something that

1:09:00like I'm currently like having a bit of like like we're figuring it out but like push and pull with my producer he's very quick very like do it get it out get it out and I'm like no no no no no like we need to slow down and make sure this sounds the way I want to sound cuz like I have to deal with this for the rest of my life you don't have to be up on stage performing it you don't have to like be applying for rewards and putting out music videos with it so like I'm very like we really found our footing on like

1:09:24the first two songs we together and now we're like eight songs in and it's like I'm making sure that like we're taking the extra time to get these things right so like yeah you really got to advocate for yourself and it's nothing against him he's I'm very lucky to work with him he's a genius like he's so musically talented but you know it's your art and at the end of the day like I am co-producing it with him I'm the musical director I'm the one of the main composers it's like I got to be happy with it too um so yeah I'm definitely making him slow down and do it the way I

1:09:54want it and luckily he respects me enough to like listen to me and let me do that I think uh like you know without like pulling up like the being a girl in the industry card like it definitely was harder when I was younger like I think people just want to protect you and they project their ideas on like what you should be doing and how you should be doing it but at the end of the day like you know you know what you want and like yeah I have like Bor says like what men have to say once women have to say five times well guess what what I like

1:10:25repeating myself I'm a musician who practices so guess what repetition is already within me so you're going to hear it five times you know unfortunately it has to be loud it should be at any volume but but you know it's going to be said um but that's that's the thing actually like interesting little thing I I had a conversation with someone today and uh you know like I definitely have like been in the room like very rarely with women who disrespect me that's very rare and like when it happens I'm sure if you've experienced this you know it's like shocking like when you have an an issue with a woman

1:11:03and they behave like the men do and they hurt you and you like thought they were a sister in the industry with you like that is like devastating like it is but then when men do it it's like I expected this but something I said I was like oh I'm like everybody on my team who's male is like married and they treat their wife so good and I'm like those are the men that you need on your team is like the committed partner who respects his like wife or like his you know same sex partner whatever um but um whatever the relationship and it's like oh okay like

1:11:40that's the secret sauce so guys if you're building a team around you the married and respecting the wife you will have an awesome team member like it just kind of came to that realization today it's CU like they respect you and they listen to you and it it all reflects back on like like how they treat their how are they treating their wife well they're probably going to treat you the same like that's just their outlook on how to treat women so yeah Dodge those bullets like those days are over at least I I know it's I mean I think that it's like you were mentioning

1:12:13your work with your producer and the fact that you you said that oh I'm I'm I'm lucky he respects me but I feel like probably respects you even more because you are advocating for yourself and you know and you have a strong Vision which is awesome um you know not everyone does so right right and I I appreciate his patience because like he he was in the his name's Justin deque he goes by JD and he was in ice n kills and now he's mainly motionless and White's producer so I know Chris Chris Motionless the singer of motionless and white is like the same way him and I are very much the

1:12:50same like Visionary know exactly what we want and how we want to get there so I think that's why it works but also like I he I can tell he really likes the collaboration um so yeah it's good it's good for him like I'm always coming to him with stuff and I'm forcing him to try things that like he's never done before and I'm like well I've kind of never done this before either and I think we did a good job so it's been like such a good journey with him I I've Loved this body of work that we've built together and I'm I'm really excited for

1:13:19everyone to hear it cuz I feel like my fan base is just like going to be like whoa like this went a little little different but like it's still you cool you know so yeah it's it's nice when you find the r music producer who like really gets you but also like you know picks up where you can't pick up so you're not exhausting yourself trying to write every instrument oh my God so much it's a lot putting together an album is a lot it is yeah oh man yeah especially if you're producing it forget about it we have a beautiful question from Jessica Davis um asking what do you say

1:14:00to someone who truly has a voice but hasn't used it in 25 years a voice I'm assuming like as a singer um honestly like do what you need to do with it like if you want to go back to lessons if you want to start singing if you want to start recording putting yourself there on the internet like do what you like I feel like this person already knows what they want they just want confirmation from me like they just want a little like you can do it and you can do it you have a voice um but I feel like you already know the answer to that within yourself

1:14:37and you should absolutely go for it you know it's uh it's totally up to you it's your journey if you love singing do it for you and then find uh ways to share it with the world that you want to do it if you want to join a band there's so many things you can do with a voice there's so many things like I even just jump on singing backing vocals for my friends bands like that's something that has brought me a lot of Joy um being a studio singer um I've done voice acting um like for cartoon characters like there's so much you can do with your voice but just make

1:15:10sure you're doing it for you and that you love it I know it's scary it's so so scary to put yourself out there and be vulnerable like I remember back when I was doing lessons and training and I had to do recital and sing opera and sing like genres I wasn't like super confident and in and good at um or fully developed in it's such a like oh you feel like naked on stage like it's such a skin crawling uncomfortable feeling but eventually that goes away and then you're just like in your true form and you're just like loving it and you're doing whatever you need to do so like I

1:15:42feel like this person already knows and I do want you to go for it but um you know it's it's it is your story it's your journey and if you really want it you'll have it straight up you know be persistent and bring friends with you it's always it's always more fun with friends it is always more fun with friends it's very very true um yeah having the support system I think is is so important um you know because I think that sometimes especially if we if we've come from environments that are not supportive um it can be especially scary because if you've been told um you know

1:16:21not to have a voice or for whatever the for whatever reason like if you've been criticized or punished even for having a voice whatever that means um yeah it can be terrifying to step out there and be like okay you know like here here I am world you know so for sure yeah oh my goodness that reminds me like back like when I was doing meet and greets with my old band how many people would come to the meet and greet and be like I wanted to do this but like my parents told me not to or they were like my bully and they told me like I couldn't do it and

1:16:55now I've spent my life not doing it I'm just like yeah my parents weren't supportive either but I was like I wasn't going to let them like tell me what to do like you can already tell what kind of child and teenager I was stubborn um you know but like some people genuinely like they because you look up to your parents and they just like encapsulate that into their belief system and hold on to it for years and it's like it's your life like you have total autonomy of everything at any point you might have to make some changes to have more freedom leave a

1:17:26partner move um get a job you hate or get a better job you know better pay in a job you love balling you know like whatever you need to do it's your life and um you know like I think I was just like really aware of that from a young age I was like if I don't do what exactly what I want to do with my life I will be that bitter old woman and have regrets and I don't want to be that person I just like nobody wants to be around that person when the like I will be not talked to at the retirement home

1:18:01if I get that far like nobody's going to want to be around like a bitter old Lindsay like she just hates everything because she didn't do what she wanted with her life and that happens to so many people and it's like give yourself the permission to restart and retry at any age like you still at least I hope you still have many years ahead of you and like something that I've really struggled with like the last few months I say before Christmas is like I'm not 25 anymore I'm not 16 anymore I've been doing this like 24 years right I'm older um there's a bit

1:18:35of Grace for that in the metal world thank God like you know people pop pop off in their 40s and their 50s now like their career it's just the music like that's why I love the metal fan base because they're just very much like there is a section of them that just like lust after certain looking people and that's like sorry you're not in control of your hormones like so sorry that you think on that level but for the most part metal fans are like they just love the music they don't care what you look like or what your a like what your age is or anything so I was like I think

1:19:05I'm getting too old for this and I'm like that is a shitty belief like eventually I got over it it's like that's a shitty belief and I'm going to give myself permission to try again I'm going to give myself permission to have another chance I'm going to take another shot on me because I deserve it and if I don't take the shot I'm going to be that bitter old lady in the retirement home and I don't want to be her you know I don't want to be like oh I gave up on myself at 39 like I just gave up on myself and I just went and like got fat

1:19:33and like did did something else because like honestly like the only reason I'm physically taking care of myself is because I'm a singer and uh you know I went and worked out of record label and no one heard from me again and I made all this money and now I'm like miserable and alone that that sounds terrible I'm not I ain't doing that so you know it's just like you really think like you look at like you have long exited long Vision on like what your future would look like or at least you can kind of predict it and you're like we're going to try to avoid that

1:20:02because that is just a giant red flag like we ain't doing that so back to this person start now do it for you in five 10 years even in a year depending on how hard you go you'll be so grateful and you'll thank your past self and you be glad you started again because it sounds like you really want to do it yeah absolutely I think I think it helps to have kind of a like you were mentioning like at the end of my life what is it that I really want to be able to you know feel happy about like how can I be comfortable in

1:20:35my own skin you know at the end of the day um and so if you think I think if you think about future self it really does help inform what present self should do right oh my God entirely it's scary because like there's many paths that you can go down and if you can just avoid those like super not great ones that'd be great really great you're right though you're absolutely right yeah I mean speaking of which um I mean I know you're working on you know this current incarnation of Music um is there anything in the ethers that you feel like you would like to dip

1:21:11your foot in that you haven't had a chance to yet in terms of talking to Self oh yeah I mean I've kind of done everything it was weird I like hit 37 and like oh [ __ ] I've like knocked everything off of my bucket list as like I've done everything I've wanted to do but not necessarily true you have to like kind of make new dreams again or you have to like refine that list and like yeah I still want to do a show with the band with a full Orchestra or at least a full string section like that's the big that's the big dream make a live DVD out of it wear

1:21:49some ridiculous looking dress like I can't wait um I've always wanted a song original or whatever's on the catalog in like a big movie or a big TV show at like that big like gross like oh my God they're meant to be together like romantic moment I'm was just like a hopeless I'm probably more like a hopeful romantic now than hopeless but like totally like like just crying on the tombstone like the love of my life is dead like I'm just so dramatic so I would love to have a song and like that big moment in the movie you know whether like they like they finally like confess

1:22:27their love to one another or like oh my God who died the love of my life is dead like I don't know something just what like ridiculous like I'll just be there in the theater like clapping like yes yes like this is it like that's like that's still a dream of mine that I've wanted like I had to go back to my 15-year-old self and again really connected with her through like being sober again I was like what do we still want here girly cuz like we got we got a lot of that off of the list um and um I think just more than anything

1:22:57like I just want to keep making albums that like I love and um you know getting these opportunities to perform all around the world and hopefully with like other bands and artists that like I have loved and appreciated and who have influenced me I mean definitely like there like there's like super dream collaborations that make no sense that I don't know if they like ever happen and then there's like yeah like I'm still waiting for de borer and moon spell to call me to sing on an album like that that you know so it was just kind of like yeah okay like don't give up on

1:23:28yourself you still got things inside of you you still got [ __ ] you want to do um and you have to remind yourself of that you know what I mean because like when you've like God I like I did have you ever read the book it's by Napoleon hills called like Think and Grow Rich and he's like list all of your accomplishments and it was like so big I was like holy [ __ ] we did it like we done it we done it you know what I mean like what's next so it's just just like okay like a lot has happened but like there's still so much more ahead of me

1:24:00there's still so many dreams and I'm sure they'll just present themselves over the years they'll be like hey do you want to do this they'll be like yeah that's super sick let's go like I'm down like what is sleep um you know but yeah so it's it's one of those it's one of those things where like yeah I got some ideas but like time will tell I appreciate you asking that because yeah it's again hopeful romantic I feel like that's going to be a new one I love it I love it it just it's just a matter of time that's all yeah just waiting around come

1:24:37on let's go Universe I'm ready well I think it helps you know when you're when you're you know aiming for something to have an idea of what the thing is that you want right and also to have an understanding of your why yeah um because sometimes this is sort of like you know if if you go out there and you're not exactly sure um it it is it it's like kind of nebulous as to the steps you need to take to get there so yeah like if you're going to be vague about it life is going to be kind of like vague back to you but like if

1:25:09you are like very precise with intention like going for the thing life's like okay all right like we'll get you there like you kind of have to communicate whether it's like a spiritual thing or like a business thing or with like your community or like cuz that's the thing I mind it happens like when you talk about it like I've found in the past like people have come to me and they've been like oh I want this this and this and I'm like I know that person can I like hook you guys up and that is like brings me so much joy too is like connecting

1:25:37people to make these incredible collaborations and art and like opportunities um you know so I feel like if I just like keep talking about it eventually it's just it's just going to happen it's just going to come to me because someone's going to see this interview and be like yo shagrath like this this crazy ass chick from Canada who you one time followed on Instagram wants to sing on your next album you might you should probably call her she's pretty cool like you know um so that's like the Hope yeah put it out there and see what comes back like a message in a bottle it's true though because I think

1:26:11sometimes like you were saying when you say it out loud people might not have realized that's what you wanted until you actually say it and then they're like oh well actually um actually and I find that most people people want to help like most people I encounter really want to help like people in general um I find like it's a it's a natural tendency where people are like actually I really want to help um and so when you have the opportunity to help somebody in a way that you can it's it's a real Joy it is it's like that's the thing is like genuinely when people tell me about

1:26:47their dreams and what they want to do and if like I be smart about this I feel like they are there to be able to do it without me like my contact being like who did you send to me oh my God like I just I genuinely like I just love that I could get them in touch like it's such a nice feeling and it's true like I think it's really like you want to surround yourself with people who want to see you win I want to see them win that's why I'm connecting them and luckily the people I have around me like they want to see me win too like they

1:27:13know because like I show up and I get the job done and I think that's also like a super important trait and quality to have being in our industry and being in a band is like no like Lindsay will see this beginning to end like oh what was it there's like I'm just remembering a conversation but it's like you know I'm a strong starter I have all these ideas like but I'm a bad finisher I'm like I'm a I'm the finisher I will get it AC cross the finish line um probably destroy myself in the process trying not to do that anymore but you know that's really

1:27:45important thing to have yeah absolutely I think um the music Community is much smaller than I think people can realize and um holy crap is ever yeah it is and if you are known as a person that's reliable and committed and able to see things through it it really does go a very long way yeah especially as a creative because like I get I get this insufferable many ideas which one do I even start on life of a creative yes yes it's brutal it is I mean it's part of the fun I think is like you know thinking of the clay on the table and and you just slap

1:28:25on a bunch of Clay on the table and eventually you're like okay I think I see the sculpture that's starting to emerge from there right that's so true yeah I've never heard of that before that's great though I love that yeah you kind of just like as you go about it because like real talk when I've started bodies of work okay um like especially the patreon album great example because that's like the most finished one recently um I had an idea of where it was going to go and where it ended up was completely like not what I expected but I like it I'm like you know what I

1:28:55mean so you're like with the clay it's going to show in time with creativity it kind of shows you what it wants to become you always have an idea but when it's being birthed it's kind of like having your own child like I don't know anything about that but this best I can relate to is like your child comes out and it's its own person with its own ideas and its own identity and its own personality it's like okay I need to respect that like yeah it came from me but it's its own thing at the end of the day it's an extension of me but it's not

1:29:18you know and so many other people getting involved and this can get really weird like that the child has many fathers but I digress takes a village takes a village it does take a village it does take a village if you're lucky it'll be one child with one head and not three you know not a Hydra yeah okay yes good thing oh [ __ ] actually I find that um you know it's kind of a a place of surrender when you're creating something thing where you might have an idea of what you think it's going to be but it takes on a life of its own as as as it progresses right

1:30:03absolutely I I was like I guess as a producer and writer the thing that I run into the most is like I'll get a song idea and I'm like it can go in like it can go in three ways it could be a piano ballad it could be like this weird whole trip hop thing I'm doing or it can be a heavy song and you're like where does it fit in any of this where does it fit in like you know and it's like if you are used to composing in multiple Styles because it's like yeah I came from punk rock but I'm also a classical musician

1:30:33but I've also been in heavy metal but I've also been in a goth band you know like electronic like kind of very [ __ ] I'll Hill the Birthday Massacre like that kind of thing huge influence one of my favorite bands um you're like where where does this fit like what like sometimes I will still get song ideas but like this was for my band years ago we're not doing pop punk anymore guys like I'll just demo it and send it to the anti queens or something you know I I hope F's not watching this because now she's going to expect that um you know so like it's just it can go in so

1:31:08many directions and you have to respect it and that was actually like a huge uh issue with the last song we worked on is it came out it was originally a piano ballad I turned it into like an electronic trip hop B uh trip hop track that was very uh like low birthday mascera inspired and my producer took it and made it heavy and I'm like oh [ __ ] this works this like you know but like it's nice to have that other brain so you're not like exhausting and just completely relying on your own brain to finish it like he's that's why we work so well together he's

1:31:42a strong finisher too so it's like I can start stuff and I don't have to finish it alone and that like when you're a finisher if you're doing it by yourself forget about it like how many unfinished projects I have was like got for noers there with me like it's not that important it was just me practicing my skills but no discipline um so yeah songs songs can take many forms and you really have to respect like and it's good to try it like which one is it going to end up as you just got to try you got to keep trying yeah absolutely um this is a question

1:32:15actually about um starting the body of work um how do you start a complete body of worker album is it a concept from the start like do you work on based on concept or um other in yeah it's like I know where I want to put this all it's like this is this body of work here this invisible thing in front of me looking at all the songs that are going into that basket um it's just like you just got to keep writing and creating and you make songs and then sometimes you write something and you're like this is great but it's not its time yet it it could wait

1:32:52another like this is for something I want to do in the future and I'm going to save it and like sometimes I am notorious for saving songs for like 2 3 5 years later because I'm like it's not it's time yet I need to get better at this I need to provide this but now I'm in a place where I'm like I could literally start from scratch and I know I'll be okay like this is what I've been doing for 24 years like I have mastered something that I've been doing for a very long time and people are liking it and it's working you know like you have

1:33:20to remind yourself like hey like you're actually like you've been doing this for really long time you you've put in the 10,000 hours you have a craft that you've formed it's a skill and it's it's like I could start from like someone could be like this is your concept right like three songs or an EP or an album around it like okay and you just go for it but I tend to follow my intuition and my emotions and like what is coming out of me at the time and um I think that's like really important there's definitely I'm the thing I will say I'm noticing as I get older it's

1:33:53kind of like there's different sides of you like and I think the different sides of me are there's my sadness and my anger and then there's this chick in the middle who's like just really sassy driven by like that sadness to be a brat there's like a brat in me too there's like these personalities and I have to kind of like okay who is this coming from today does it go with this body of work did like the angry like the angry me is in this new body of work I've been hella angry um the next body of work is probably going to be the sadness because there's still

1:34:33like a lot of things I've not processed and written about but this sassy brat in the middle I think she's the one who she's like the diva and the princess who creates the live show very few songs come from her I guess you could say there is one song on this new release that comes from the sassy Brad um and that's just kind of like who I am like in my daily life like I just this just be like being who I am um but yeah there's that like creative little diva too who just like loves to come out and express herself and she's she's just

1:35:04more so like show and tell she's kind of quiet but when she speaks up she speaks loud so yeah it's like these three dueling personalities all the time it's like you know what how do we feel today and it only reverts to those two and then I feel like they're layered like there's like disappointment and Devastation and like confusion and like you know what I mean like the the layers that come with like an emotion like you can put it down to like angry and sad so yeah it's it's kind of like you just got to keep creating and then you know like that's the thing it's like you can

1:35:34overthink about what you're going to create it doesn't really matter you have to just start creating it and then like you said with the clay you know as you go that's it so yeah it's just kind of knowing how to compartmentalize it after and just you don't overthink it too much just like this feels right and you know like when you put together a body of work you're like this feels right it flows everything belongs there there's songs for this next body work that are be besides they're completely edit because I'm like it doesn't make sense it doesn't belong here it's not part of this it's going to be a bside we'll play

1:36:06it live because it's a Bop maybe it just needs to be a single all by itself you know it's one of those things yeah yeah damn singles culture damn it singles culture you win time it happens yeah I mean it's it is it is funny because I think that the Muse has a mind of its own right um and things will come out as it does I think that the biggest thing is just showing up at the page you know yeah consistently consistency like showing up for yourself every day and showing up for that creative part of you it's very hard because I find when I'm

1:36:46in the middle of like a left brain day job project is when like my body's like oh but I want to work on this song I'm like yeah okay but like do you want roof over your head and food in the fridge like we have to finish this deadline it's like this internal struggle but luckily with my day job I can just kind of stop go demo the song come back to it I'm very blessed I know not a lot of creatives are blessed with that so it's just like trying to find that balance but also like when you're in the middle of something and you're like almost done

1:37:13finishing it like you don't want to stop halfway through it kills your momentum it's so it's like man creative brain creative brain Anonymous that's what we need my word my muse happens to like whisper things at me at very inconvenient times like when I'm in the shower or when I'm driving yeah yeah you're like oh [ __ ] oh man like can the worst is when you're on the toilet it's like okay like just just where's my phone voice note like I love that though it's it's like for you it's like a whisper in the ear yeah it's just like kind of comes in you're like whoa

1:37:49okay [ __ ] like dude we're having a shower can we like please get clean first before we go PR cheers yeah I know I mean I think like the way you were describing about the different personas I mean it sounds really playful and joyful like how you're describing it and it it really does sound like it comes from an act of like true self-love like it's like you embracing all of these sides of yourself to be able to come up with this right yeah and I think that's the hardest thing to do it's like you kind of speaking of self- Lov you come to this point of like defeat where you're

1:38:25like well this is the body and the mind I got we might as well start working together and figuring this out because you're not going to get anything else you're not going to be able to like create this like I think a lot of people create a personer like who they think they should be they're really not sitting their in their authenticity um and I think like just accepting yourself for who you are and like like learning to love and like yourself and be with yourself so hard I've been doing this for so long um and there's still sometimes where I'm just like God damn

1:38:56it Lindsay we did not need to why did you do that like now we got to sit now we got to take an hour and do self-reflection because you did the dumb you know um but yeah when you get to there it was just kind of like a all right let's figure like you know like you're fighting with yourself it's like you and yourself and you guys are best friends like you're joined twins like with flesh and spirit and you're like all right we got to figure this out together because like if we don't like ain't nobody else going to do it for for us you know um but it's uh I definitely

1:39:27like don't hate myself anymore I do love myself but I think I'm more than anything I'm at the point where I'm like okay now I'm ready to talk about these things because we've been fully honest on like our our part in making these problems like we've taken full responsibility for our involvement in all of this which is so important I think that's self- Lov is just being like yeah [ __ ] up yeah we [ __ ] up okay yeah yeah I know it's it's it's not always easy to I mean I don't know if ever is really easy to truly look at yourself in the mirror and to like

1:40:05really look at yourself and be like okay here's the here is a thing and here is a choice and you know and this is who I am it is what it is have you done that have you done that mirror work with like forgiving yourself and like oh my god oh man I don't know like anyone watching has ever on this but like I think the person who I personally think teaches it the best is like Lisa Nichols and she talks about like you talked yourself in the mirror and you like forgive yourself and there's a whole process I can't remember all of it but like At first

1:40:36time I did it was at 24 and I like just was a wreck it was so horrible it was so uncomfortable and I like sobbed and then I did it like recently in the past few years and it was just like damn you got to check in with yourself like you can't just like do this every 10 years you got to do this like yearly and just to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and like be like oh damn that's us like we got to figure this out together like it is layers and it is a process and I find so many people like I even know people who

1:41:06like tried to give themselves positive affirmations and they had so much trauma they were like physically ill like throwing up like that [ __ ] is hard man but yeah it's good that you do that like I'm sure you're a more evolved Pokemon and stronger proud of yourself I'm not sure about well I think I did um I've done that kind of work and I've also it's it was really powerful and beautiful I wasn't in a yoga class and the teacher had um as partner with somebody and just look at each other straight in the eye and hold that for a while oh my God that's hard yeah very hard very hard I've done

1:41:46that with a few people and it's like there there were Tears like you know like now like when it it's strange you like just sorry random thought but like back then when you have to stare with this trusted person it's like you kind of like fall in love a little bit but you also just like it's scary it's like it's like almost like a predatory thing because when two animals stare each other in the eyes like that long it's like all right shit's about to pop off like that's what that means to like cats and dogs right like sometimes I have to remind myself when I'm looking at my cat

1:42:18to Blink or else he thinks I'm going to like attack him it's hilarious like they need blink cuz that's how they say I love you it's very cute but um I think more now than anything it's really hard for me very few people I can look in the eye but it's really hard for me because like then I start to really I guess energetically connect with them and be like oh man I really freaking love this person and there's like so many levels of love right there's like romantic love there's like you know fun sexy love there's friendship love there's family love there's love of self there's

1:42:51pragmatic love like there's like pragmatic love is a weird one I don't know I was like looking at all the different types of love and I'm like okay so like y'all just get together to have kids like boring like yeah look it up like there's six types of loves according to the ancient Greek yada yada um but like that it's it's intense like it when you get comfortable with being able to look people in the eye maybe it's just a spectrum thing but like you know it's like you do or you don't it's like oh man you really start to connect with that person and then you just like start

1:43:23feeling things like once you're over your own [ __ ] really start to feel things for other person you're like oh man this is scary I don't I'm going to go write a song now bye like this is awkward I'm feeling things I don't want to be feeling we're gonna go talk secret song about you never release it I think it's yeah I mean it's it's interesting because you know when you connect with somebody like that um it's it's a on a really human level a deep human level you know you see past the layers past the physical all of it you just connect on a human level and and

1:44:01you do that with yourself when you when you look at yourself you know yeah and yoga's good for that like how long have you been doing yoga for um a good part of my life you know it's been a I've had an active practice um and um I have an aunt who's Buddhist um and so early on she was teaching me about meditation and um that sort of thing and so I I mean I'm very very lucky you know to have that that those roots in my life um absolutely yeah yeah I think it's definitely given me a lot of grounding you know because you know

1:44:36as challenging as life can be just to remember the breath and all those things that come along with it yeah it's like a like that's the one time where like I felt I really wasn't thinking about anything is doing yoga like you can meditate but it's like oh my God so many thoughts until you get to Nirvana but like yoga's it like that's Nirvana like that or like aquafit or some [ __ ] where just someone's like directing your body through things and you have to focus so hard on that you're like oh I'm not thinking a million thoughts a minute amazing yeah yeah highly recommend guided guided

1:45:13yoga so helpful um same with guided meditation I think that really helps a lot you know in terms of getting out of your own head you know yeah absolutely I find that hard to do I just like I can just disassociate and stop listening to people and start thinking about other things so hard but if you're moving your body I really don't want to break anything right now so we're just gonna stay in this pose yeah St think it's yeah no movement helps I think a lot especially you know as an active person you know it's like I think that really helps um and it's amazing when

1:45:54you start learning um like sort of like what happens when you get out of your head like what comes from that you know yeah I've seen a lot of people like break down and cry doing yoga true story like like oh [ __ ] I haven't grieved the loss of XYZ and I'm like oh [ __ ] are you okay like I get out of my pose and like make sure like you know they're okay it's brutal they just need to be alone in it really don't mess with that process you know no no grief process is a it's its own thing needs to happen on its own yeah

1:46:27absolutely yeah so yeah well um if there are any more uh questions in the chat please feel free to put it in there um oh this is a fun um uh this is a Tim Ferris inspired question um if you could put one thing on the B board in Times Square what would it be like like what like like anything or just like of my own yeah maybe something of your own like if it could be out there oh yeah like I mean it would be like the new music like it would be it would be oh man like my name with like my new album

1:47:09cover and like coming out on this date under this record label like that would be it that would just be the thing you know I don't like it'd be cool if it's like a photo of yourself looking super boss ass [ __ ] like that's great but like I think it's like it says more when it's like and that's how they do it these days like ain't nobody care about the album artwork anymore it's brutal um you know you want your album artwork to be out there but like when it's like you looking all like awesome like superhero and they're like new music from Lindsay Schoolcraft now on Spotify like hell

1:47:42yeah I made it that's so there's her answer maybe in the future guys maybe I don't know I could see it thanks girl I appreciate you I could definitely see it for sure well um Lindsay thank you so much for for taking the time and sharing your absolutely beautiful self with us you you're such a wonderful beautiful inspiring artist in person they so sweet right back at you I've been wanting to chat with you for so long this is so nice that we finally got a chance to do it like you have no idea how much you've inspired me like those man kind albums like I'm just passing through that song

1:48:21gets stuck in my head so much still to this day like you've you've created some amazing [ __ ] like you should be so proud of yourself and the new stuff is awesome too thank you I really appreciate that it means it means a lot and you know I just feel so fortunate that um you know we we we converged when we did and we've just been like Kindred Spirits like I was telling you satelliting you know I think yeah yeah I hope find your kindreds yeah and I I we can do something in in the future I know like before the Dandy Pandy hit we were like

1:48:55talking about you coming up and doing some shows with like you know so maybe in the future we can do something together I would love that yes yes I know it should happen Magics need to happen together for sure yeah absolutely so fingers crossed on that I would just be honored that'd be so cool yes um I wanted to give a shout out to our our wonderful Community also I'm just going to Fan girl real quick my choir director is in the chat a h fan of Donald biner I love you he's amazing yes huge mentor and I'm a huge fan of his um uh thank you all so

1:49:37much for for taking the time and for sharing your amazing questions and thoughts and perspectives and for supporting Lindsay Schoolcraft um you know she is an incredible artist whose messages and work needs to be out there so yes so sweet you so much oh thank you everyone yeah have a wonderful rest of your Sunday everyone